How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
