she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
