One girl and one boy is just not enough.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
