I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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