don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
