i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
