You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
