i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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