so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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