I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize