My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
