someone owes me an orgasm
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
