you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
