I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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