No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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