btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
