Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize