Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
