from now on my penis is your penis
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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