the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
