Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
