I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
