i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
