Buhtt sex?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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