there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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