About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
