who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
