and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
