I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
