Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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