I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
