Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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