Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
