I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize