I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
