Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
