Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
