I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
