Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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