Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
