I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
