yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
