He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
