I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
