Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
