What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We are two peas in an std pod
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize