Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
