I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
