a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
