I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize