i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
