I hate your face
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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