I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
