names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
