Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
