Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
