We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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