I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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