I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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