I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
