he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
