i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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