sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
