You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
