Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
