I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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