I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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