You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
