We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
