A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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