cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
