You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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