And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
wow bdsm is so cute
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
