Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
