I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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